How do i get my boyfriend to understand the issue and make an effort to correct it?

my boyfriend works an extreamly backbreaking job for 7days n a row, 12hrs straight, we are as stressed in everyway like to the max, i have an rambunctious 5yr old boy and a brand new baby girl, as well. he is almost 10yrs older than me, & has been married bf, i am completely new to making a household work, but have come a LONG way and am proud. theres alot of underline issues behind the tug a war for power in the relationship, but basically its this, im not the type of person to do or build these things, but i have, i feel i have morphed for the bettering of our quality of life, not perfect but real honest big effortand change. we get stressed and he wants more and more, disguarding whats been acheived, the situtation, really everything, no matter how i explain it, or how truely important it is to me it is more than over looked it is mocked. my needs are ignored completely, hes actually even said things like, "waw, & ur so ***king lazy, its not about u, so what, and no" and with every little thing he has to top it with how much more he suffers/does. i dont mind doing all these things one bit i love doing my part to help us work, but he honestly says i have these requirements to meet or i can get out.(& the kids) threatening our security and affection, i know its wrong and i tell him thats almost sick & he says thats the way it is... even though it makes me sick ,, i could almost over look that,,, if hed just reword that crap i'd even do it happily but besides that horror, i also am never "rewarded" no spare time, bare nescesities even, wearing the same clothes i did when i was pg(56lbs lighter)hes spent 400$ on himself in outfits alone sense baby was born, kids suffer, no money, constantly have to worry about finding a way to buy gas,dipers, formula, just stress stress stress, and worst of all i couldnt get him to put the lid back on the toothpaste(just an exp. of the smallest request)back on if i claimed it was giving me cancer! i have been so frusterated with this that i have said you dont understand im afraid im going to have to leave if you dont do something and i was answered with bye.... its so unfair all i feel on a day to day is resentment, and foolish. i know he loves us and he does theres so many wonderful things about us it kills me to feel this way. how can i change it? can i change it?